Some Days I Feel Strong, Some Days I Don’t — And That’s Okay

Lately, I’ve realised something… Healing is not easy. Some days I feel strong. Calm. Like I’m finally getting somewhere. And then some days… I feel fear. Anxiety. So much self-doubt that I feel shaky inside. As if something is about to go wrong. As if even when I’m doing the right thing… I’m still scared. Over time, I think I became so underconfident that even small decisions feel heavy. I question myself. I doubt what I do. I overthink everything. And in those moments… healing feels really hard. But then, when I reconnect with God… something shifts. Not everything… but enough to keep me going. I feel calmer. Held. Guided. And I started thinking… reconnecting with yourself is like giving an exam. No matter how much you prepare, you still feel nervous. Scared. Anxious. But you still sit down and give it. You still show up. You tell yourself — whatever the result is, I’ll deal with it. Maybe healing is like that. You’re trying to understand yourself. Trying to figure out what you want. Trying to come back to who you were… before responsibilities, before expectations, before everything changed you. And honestly… that version of you feels far sometimes. I wonder if I’ll ever feel like her again. But maybe… I’m not meant to go back. Maybe I’m becoming someone new. Someone calmer. Less reactive. More aware. These days, I don’t feel the need to react to everything. I don’t feel the need to be overly excited either. Things happen… and I just let them. And strangely… that calmness scares me too. Because I’m not used to it. Some days are good. Some days feel heavy. Some days I feel like I’m healing. Some days I feel like I’m back at the beginning. But maybe… that’s okay. Because healing isn’t perfect. It’s not a straight line. It’s messy. It’s slow. It comes in waves. And through it all… my faith in God keeps me going. I believe this is His will. That I’m being guided… even when I don’t understand how. I don’t know when I’ll feel fully healed. Maybe I won’t even realise when it happens. But I do know this… I will find my path. So for now… I’ll keep choosing myself. Doing what I feel like doing. Even if it’s small. Dancing. Going out. Sitting alone. Talking to myself. Just being me. Because maybe healing starts there. In those quiet, honest moments with yourself. You do you. And trust that the rest will follow 🌿