Becoming the Woman I Needed — I Am Learning To Leave The Rest To God 🌿

The other day my partner was working on a retirement plan. He was talking about savings, future goals, and what life might look like years from now. As I sat there listening, a thought quietly came into my mind. How do we even know we will be here then? Life is strange that way. We plan. We save. We prepare. We think about what life will look like ten, twenty, or thirty years from now. And there is nothing wrong with that. But the truth is, none of us know what tomorrow holds. We don’t know what next year looks like. We don’t know what life has planned for us. Everything can change in a moment. That thought didn’t make me anxious. It actually made me feel peaceful. Because for so many years, I tried to figure everything out. I tried to understand people. I tried to understand situations. I tried to plan my future. I tried to control outcomes. I tried to make things work. And honestly, most of the time, life had other plans. Every time I thought I knew where I was going, life took me somewhere else. Every time I thought I had the answer, another question appeared. So now I have stopped trying to force life to make sense. I still do my part. I still work. I still plan. I still show up for my responsibilities. But I no longer carry the burden of needing to know everything. Because I have realized that some things are simply not mine to figure out. They belong to God. Maybe that is what healing has taught me. Not how to control life. But how to trust it. To trust that what is meant for me will find me. To trust that what is not meant for me will leave. To trust that every chapter, even the painful ones, has a purpose. I spent so many years worrying about everyone else. What they needed. What they thought. What they expected from me. And somewhere in between all those roles—wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law—I forgot about myself. The girl who liked simple things. Coffee dates. Shopping without guilt. Laughing with friends. Taking photos. Visiting the temple. Enjoying life without overthinking every little thing. Through healing, I am slowly finding her again. And with every step, I feel lighter. Not because life is perfect. Not because all my problems are solved. But because I have stopped fighting what I cannot control. One thing I have accepted is that no matter how much I do, it will never be enough for some people. There will always be another expectation. Another opinion. Another criticism. And for the first time, I am okay with that. Because I am no longer trying to earn peace. I am choosing it. The retirement conversation also made me smile. Someone said it was worth ten luxury bags. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But my mind went somewhere deeper. What is the point of spending our whole lives waiting for someday and forgetting to enjoy today? I am not saying don’t save. I am not saying don’t plan. I am saying don’t forget to live. Have the coffee. Take the photo. Buy the dessert. Visit the temple. Meet your friend. Make the memory. Because life is happening now. Not someday. Now. These days, my faith feels stronger than my need for answers. I don’t know exactly what life holds for me. I don’t know where this journey is taking me. I don’t know what the next chapter looks like. But I am no longer afraid of not knowing. I trust that God sees what I cannot. I trust that He is guiding me even when I cannot see the path ahead. So I do my best. I enjoy the present. I appreciate the little moments. And then I leave the rest to God. Because after everything life has taught me, that is where I have found the most peace. I may not know what tomorrow holds. But I know who holds tomorrow. And for me, that is enough. 🌿